Smile it's infectious
I have books to read-read them I have groups to attend-go and enjoy I have podcasts to listen to - go listen I have audiobooks to absorb-absorb Such pursuits water the soul I have water to drink-go drink I have herbal remedies to take-take them I have no alcohol to drink-abstain from I have love… Continue reading A to do list
She carrased your hair whilst showing you photos you look fucked a horrendous diagnosis you both will never know how this moment impacted me it wasn't his dressing gown stockings or wheelchair that shocks me it was his age similar to minone, i hope to his god you both are at a crossroad she to… Continue reading Don’t waste a minute
Casualty of negative conclusions to realise its the destruction, the boom caused Everybody fragments, we all fragment He she they said-who do we believe dust settles everyone goes there own way We all move on however some of us have great difficulty knowing where things start and end too busy consoling reassurring and yet not… Continue reading Boom
Dingy I feel like an empty dingy bobbing about with no destination On the horizon swaying here moving there being rocked in my cradle emptying, my mind and soul listless. Heavy clouds gather. I'm a sitting duck all this water off a duck's back hardly. My Feathers ruffled My life tossing about like some rubber… Continue reading Dinghy
The man that appears to me with each swipe of the razor blade reveals his vulnerability. The fresh warm water becomes as murky as his life as he clears his blade of dead cells and hair It is his wish to become born again one morning whilst shaving. To stare back at a wonderful man… Continue reading The Other Me
Emotionally bankrupt spiritually corrupt This life for me is not much fun the drinking and spraying words of shit I wonder what's going to be the next big hit Self -medicating is over now time to heal To love and be good and process the wheel that goes round and round and round your addictions… Continue reading Wheel
Time nears, a new chapter looms. What’s next? I’m not sure? But I’m about to walk out the door? Some time for me some time for you. Just wish something would do. The chorus sings over and over about new dawns. Though I must confess I’m lost too much of a cost. Running out of… Continue reading No beans
It seems rightly, that imagination is everything, I need to drop off the hamster wheel again in order to self-explore me. I need to find the Christ in me because there lies the answer not to my prayers but my conduct, attitude, gratitude and self-love. I am the creator of my life what I see… Continue reading Manifesting
Dream the dream you have always dreamed where butterflies occupy your stomach where excitement accompanies you with every step. The possibilities that are ours to feel proud to feel nurtured to feel at home it belongs to us all Manifest it to yourself the world explodes we watch in awe
When your surprised and not When your shocked but not When your confidence drops When your self belief is questioned When your very now is interrupted When your tomorrow’s pain is becoming born That later will be the very thing that holds you back The scab you will later pick The shit that you stir… Continue reading Time-bomb
I'm on my arse I don't want to be I have no control over my thoughts my time, my day. I can't escape or even choose a medium to feel better I'm also adjusting to a new drug; more promises I'm tired and no one is getting the best of me even more sadly for… Continue reading On my Arse
I had forgotten all about you How has life been for you? It’s all coming back to me now It never quite worked out somehow But I’m happy to see you again. We were meant to spend time We were supposed to share a bottle of wine I’m glad it all worked out for… Continue reading Missed Opportunities
I don’t know which way to turn I don’t know what books to burn I don’t know anything at all Don’t place me in a society I have to work on my sobriety I have to stop taking drugs at all I don’t have the key to the door I didn’t want to start a… Continue reading Society
I arrived at seven and was home by ten thirty Didn’t know it yet I’d soon feel lost deranged and dirty The demon allowed me to sleep til 3 Then roared and flung up the mattress and me I was dying I’ve been dying for a year and a half My night of hell and… Continue reading My Night of the Long Knives
Who is speaking to you? The words leave my lips but who formed them? Don't presume it's me and if you can't begin to understand that perhaps I need not talk to you anymore There are three of me all battling for the floor It is deeper than a mood change I have no control… Continue reading Show’s Over
You will never get near stigma's end if we don't include those who are on the receiving end. No more empty gestures that tick boxes Asking me where my stress ends and my diagnosis begins is proof that stigma is alive or well. Like a rainbow of hell in a storm
The man attempts to make sense of his forty-odd years of graft in 18 black bin bags. Type without the yellow drawstring. A deliberate last act of 'fuck you' because they are so hard to carry. Every emotion the man ever had are evident in those bags. Long decisions at clothes rails in department stores… Continue reading Survival of a disappointed Life pt. 2
Sometimes I wonder how much life can throw at you in one day Covid, a stroke, a relationship break up and another trip to hospital for your 15 month daughter.l Life’s arrow-mum, dad and two daughters I can’t process this whilst negotiating my lithium and the rest One ball knocked all my loved ones down
A narcissist genuinely believes the words they utter are true Time and again
A narcissist has you thanking them and asking for their forgiveness Time and time again
I can only survive in silence I can see what I’m doing A good day is only when your happy A roll of the dice is for you I know why this is the case It’s learned behavior from home Something I had to do in childhood And failed in adolescence She could never be… Continue reading Survival of a disappointing life pt 1
You can learn more about yourself on a nothing week than you can imagine. Life throws up storms to test you to see how determined you are, and how focused and sincere you are. Sand in your eyes is just temporary. The drama is of no significance the tears from a crocodile are dry before… Continue reading A Saving Grace
An actor's what I am and that is what you are why do I do this here for all to see rather be somewhere else as someone else
Retreating behind the wall you have had to build through Grafitti, you write about the pain you are feeling but are too untrusting to share with anyone. The words help and turmoil have been written with my nails. The narrative has to change if it was me reading the signs..........
The chatter is drowned out by the alcohol The numbness I seek is already prevalent without it but now I can't stop wracked with guilt as I down quadruples in one promising myself tomorrow will be different but tomorrow never comes
Have you ever had a dream that was so real that you believe it is part of your life part of your narrative? Then add into the mix general anesthesia (hernia) and you may come up with something like this. I was pregnant and I was going to my 12-week scan and I hoped to… Continue reading Dreams
An unremarkable day half lost in thought the rest in exhaustion I know the answers I just lack the motivation, desire and ambition to lift myself up again. So, in reality I have nothing to work with. Time washes over me like a rock in a stream until I wake and wonder where the time… Continue reading Lost
Like waking from an anesthetic I am glad to be alive breathing, previous fears melting away love filling my lungs gratitude in my ears life pumping my heart. I have found my way back from the wilderness a place of derelict negative thoughts
This post is a little different than my normal efforts. I find myself in another 'crisis' junction in my life living with bipolar. This time I feel aggrieved to be here because I shouted for professional intervention since May 2021. I need to get this out because from here I need to take another tack,… Continue reading WTF!
An unremarkable day half lost in thought the other in exhaustion i know the answers i just lack the imagination desire and ambition to lift myself up again so in reality i have nothing to work with time washes over me like a rock in a stream until i wake and wonder where time went
Rapid cycling is not a fun hour in the park. This is worse than anything I've previously experienced. I'm not in either camp long enough to settle. The euphoric glimpses are not with me long enough, to either warm me or destroy me. the lows are unsettling, they niggle me like a tattooist's irritation.
Another day another year somehow, holding onto this negativity. The cynisim is growing the need for the pressure to release is banging on my door. I cling on only for others yet the pain is all mine
Futility surrounds me and frightens me Hope passes fleetingly but never long enough to grasp I always feel despondent after a high I only recognise an episode retrospectively when the darkness envelops When everything I held true in my mania comes crashing down around me
I will not seek to conform to your 'societal' 'normal'. You don't see how laughable it is that we, souls with poor mental health, should seek refuge with the large swell of undiagnosed and unmedicated people on the wheel of life that overwhelmed us, and we left behind.
Overwhelmed It's surprising where ten seconds, of unchecked thoughts can lead you Numb You can't feel anything no matter how hard you try, how hard you drink, how hard you cry. Panic In ordinary places, I'm screaming inside until my throat is raw, I've become all talk and my soul is sore.
My head won't work but no one outwardly sees it I need some seconds to process what's been saidFeeling panic rise in my chestMy parched mouth ringingIn my amygdala.'I'm never going to swallow again'.I need to ordain myself in a lanyardTo be understood.All the colours have been takenThere are none left for usI wish my… Continue reading Nothingness
The most insidious thing about anxiety is it tears you from everything you love. It isolates you and you convince yourself, or misbelieve, it is good to be alone. Everything you enjoyed previously goes. In my case, it even stopped me from listening to music in my own home because of the memories, and the… Continue reading TRFC
was a little bastard I find myself in unchartered waters desperately trying to keep my mind clear for the fight ahead clinging to the precious cargo called hope.
I'm surrounded by a crowd of people without a dad. All ages. all in pain. Why? I don't know but this rite of passage shit is all wrong. Some manage to break the chain; some sadly go on to become the abuser, and on it goes. This abuse takes on many guises, it is insidious,… Continue reading What it Takes to be a Man
The swing, the gulf, the pretence, the exasperationthe pull, the emptiness, the confusion, the hurtto experience the up is the consequence of the downto have one means to have the other.All part of the same circle
Think only positive things Speak only positive things Listen only to positive things The rest is shit
Memories are so clear, vivid and real I can’t imagine a time when I did not feel A burning sensation deep down inside Of a love that I had, I no longer hide I lived longer without him than I did with All precious times, gladly to give To have him return whatever the cost… Continue reading His Shadow
I love everything that we sharethe intimacy, the longing, the yearning.Your laughter fills me with hopeYour sincerity enables me to copeYour insight into my past. Your sadness helps me. Your understanding caressesThe very few words are enoughI hope one day I can be enough.That is all I want from you. You!To guide me to my… Continue reading Gorgeous Sexy Woman
How they cease to be of any relevance so quickly is the question that is not considered by those sifting through the debris Held back by poor headlines Gulf war, no money left, banking crisis spin, spin, spin. This country has no appetite for socialism, sadly. the white van man rules. it would have helped… Continue reading Labour Pain
Follow the masses all serving themselves, with greedy thoughts. They never pause, stop or think The system stinks They run a race the sea crashes Against the rocks The tide comes in the tide goes out Another life……..
You don't wake up, well not for a while. Every morning on automatic pilot, no amounts of coffee will see me right. The fog never fully lifts, by the end of the day a light mist still shrouds me. Inside is a man begging to be let out. To be set free. Not shackled to… Continue reading Meds
The ambience I had etched out in the park The universes garden was destroyed The peddling of evil in the form of leaflets How the irony, soldiers of destruction (Jehovah's Witnesses) I disregarded their leaflets, telling every one of them I am happily disfellowshipped Each looks away; masks slipped, apologies For my plight I skip… Continue reading Disfellowshipped
Dusk Town was buzzing the band was playing people everywhere smiling it was good to see The only dead-pan looks on the faces From the homeless and the Jehovah’s Witnesses I watched the people go by from the comfort of the cafe my camomile tea my only companion No rush to leave I go… Continue reading Dusk
Moon It’s just us I’m looking at you while you overwhelm me millions of light years between us 238.855 to be exact. Yet I feel you close. Guide me, help me light up a path that I can follow where you can always watch over me. Somewhere I can feel safe
Mark Lyth 