Smile it's infectious
An unremarkable day half lost in thought the other in exhaustion i know the answers i just lack the imagination desire and ambition to lift myself up again so in reality i have nothing to work with time washes over me like a rock in a stream until i wake and wonder where time went
Futility surrounds me and frightens me Hope passes fleetingly but never long enough to grasp I always feel despondent after a high I only recognise an episode retrospectively when the darkness envelops When everything I held true in my mania comes crashing down around me
I will not seek to conform to your 'societal' 'normal'. You don't see how laughable it is that we, souls with poor mental health, should seek refuge with the large swell of undiagnosed and unmedicated people on the wheel of life that overwhelmed us, and we left behind.
Overwhelmed It's surprising where ten seconds, of unchecked thoughts can lead you Numb You can't feel anything no matter how hard you try, how hard you drink, how hard you cry. Panic In ordinary places, I'm screaming inside until my throat is raw, I've become all talk and my soul is sore.
My head won't work but no one outwardly sees it I need some seconds to process what's been saidFeeling panic rise in my chestMy parched mouth ringingIn my amygdala.'I'm never going to swallow again'.I need to ordain myself in a lanyardTo be understood.All the colours have been takenThere are none left for usI wish my… Continue reading Nothingness
The most insidious thing about anxiety is it tears you from everything you love. It isolates you and you convince yourself, or misbelieve, it is good to be alone. Everything you enjoyed previously goes. In my case, it even stopped me from listening to music in my own home because of the memories, and the… Continue reading TRFC
was a little bastard I find myself in unchartered waters desperately trying to keep my mind clear for the fight ahead clinging to the precious cargo called hope.
I'm surrounded by a crowd of people without a dad. All ages. all in pain. Why? I don't know but this rite of passage shit is all wrong. Some manage to break the chain; some sadly go on to become the abuser, and on it goes. This abuse takes on many guises, it is insidious,… Continue reading What it Takes to be a Man
The swing, the gulf, the pretence, the exasperationthe pull, the emptiness, the confusion, the hurtto experience the up is the consequence of the downto have one means to have the other.All part of the same circle
Think only positive things Speak only positive things Listen only to positive things The rest is shit
Memories are so clear, vivid and real I can’t imagine a time when I did not feel A burning sensation deep down inside Of a love that I had, I no longer hide I lived longer without him than I did with All precious times, gladly to give To have him return whatever the cost… Continue reading His Shadow
I love everything that we sharethe intimacy, the longing, the yearning.Your laughter fills me with hopeYour sincerity enables me to copeYour insight into my past. Your sadness helps me. Your understanding caressesThe very few words are enoughI hope one day I can be enough.That is all I want from you. You!To guide me to my… Continue reading Gorgeous Sexy Woman
How they cease to be of any relevance so quickly is the question that is not considered by those sifting through the debris Held back by poor headlines Gulf war, no money left, banking crisis spin, spin, spin. This country has no appetite for socialism, sadly. the white van man rules. it would have helped… Continue reading Labour Pain
Follow the masses all serving themselves, with greedy thoughts. They never pause, stop or think The system stinks They run a race the sea crashes Against the rocks The tide comes in the tide goes out Another life……..
You don't wake up, well not for a while. Every morning on automatic pilot, no amounts of coffee will see me right. The fog never fully lifts, by the end of the day a light mist still shrouds me. Inside is a man begging to be let out. To be set free. Not shackled to… Continue reading Meds
The ambience I had etched out in the park The universes garden was destroyed The peddling of evil in the form of leaflets How the irony, soldiers of destruction (Jehovah's Witnesses) I disregarded their leaflets, telling every one of them I am happily disfellowshipped Each looks away; masks slipped, apologies For my plight I skip… Continue reading Disfellowshipped
If only the echoes in my mind And the ghost of lives past Could you leave me just for a day The dark skies no longer cast The shadows make me look rather Intimidated as I grope about In my unbearable time here Nothing is easy. I could scream About wasting my life and time… Continue reading Again
Dusk Town was buzzing the band was playing people everywhere smiling it was good to see The only dead-pan looks on the faces From the homeless and the Jehovah’s Witnesses I watched the people go by from the comfort of the cafe my camomile tea my only companion No rush to leave I go… Continue reading Dusk
Moon It’s just us I’m looking at you while you overwhelm me millions of light years between us 238.855 to be exact. Yet I feel you close. Guide me, help me light up a path that I can follow where you can always watch over me. Somewhere I can feel safe
Asylum So I’m leaving hotel Asylum The budget won’t stretch no more Bags are packed, arrangements made It’s time to walk out the door What lies ahead now I’ve rested my mind? You know I’m not sure Don’t know who I am anymore Will they find a cure? The clock is ticking, the TV.… Continue reading Asylum
The beautiful timbre of the local tongue Walking through corridors saturated In the 15th century, buildings and culture Breathing deeply in, immersing myself Being tortured by men with selfie sticks Or worse, men running around the square With prams, alongside goats, a festival The Uffizi offered room after room Of religious iconography. The faces all… Continue reading Art Culture and More
In the park at midday You had just rolled out Another one for me to recoil at I realised then what your About (a turd rolled in glitter) Years of ignorance Because I now get it Your whole pleasure is Canning me. Watching as I suffer in pain But then you leave me When I’m… Continue reading Moment of Clarity
I have to let it go I want to I should say It was a long time ago You missed out more than me You watch over me I believe Waiting around for absolution You have it, unconditionally No strings or hidden agenda I forgive you, man Whatever happened it is ok I was devastated… Continue reading I Forgive You
The trees are now bare The discarded leaves clutter the floor Some trees bow, leaning Like they are trying to re-claim their former occupants The birds, the ducks and swans Gather around, oblivious to your absence Not noticing I’m alone No squirrels came to greet me Nothing has changed here On the surface, but it… Continue reading Empty Trees
Five days later I’m all over the place The Kellogg’s variety of emotions Struggling to keep pace Surely it is not worth feeling like this One minute petrified the next vulnerable A knot in my stomach, throat constricting I have to bid you fond farewell Just like I did with cigarettes Marijuana and my natural… Continue reading Fond Goodbye
Part of my job puts me in front of people, who like me, suffer with their mental health and I try to pass on in workshops the strategies I use that have helped me enormously over the last nine years since I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. I teach about how there is an onus… Continue reading No Room At The Inn
If it was because we could not bear to look that would be one thing We didn't look because we didn't care. It wasn't for us to get involved. Apparently When I look I see my son, my daughters. I see my mother wading through debris I see my father inconsolable for his loss. I… Continue reading We Turned Away
A 'militant' is nearly always created from injustice.
It just didn’t make any sense I texted and rang moments after you Blind panic veins pumping I asked many questions but got no answers Sweat poured from me Dry mouth walking at pace From here to there and back again Every second felt like an hour…. Then relief, huge relief I couldn’t wait to… Continue reading Gone
My every thought takes me forward and back The pain of the past, trepidation in the future It is what makes the now disappear The philosophies, to grab the cognitive To psychoanalyse, to pray. To hope Just to know it will be alright Round and round I can go desperate to grab my pills,… Continue reading Good Therapy
Have you read or watched ‘The Secret’ by Rhonda Byrne? The formula for attracting things to your life? Of course you have. Does it work? I read the book in early 2013 and loved the philosophy. That was it then in 2014 I made a list of the things I wanted and needed in my… Continue reading Life is good.
A sideshow to my mental health diagnosis in 2011 was my Boxer dog, Max. Max and I enjoyed a great relationship. He was the first dog that I had since leaving home. He came everywhere with me even to work, so when things began to spiral out of control, I did the unthinkable. I found… Continue reading Much more than a dog
I don't know when I first lost my marbles. I think rather than the whole bag going overnight, perhaps I lost them gradually over the years. Looking back, I don't think I was ever well, over 24 yrs before I was eventually rescued. They never gave me my marbles back, but I have gradually found… Continue reading Waking up
I have been on the eternal search to find something, and I haven’t been able to put my finger on exactly what that is. Was it the truth, the meaning of life, God, peace? This search has taken me everywhere on my life journey. I have read many books, joined and left a cult, and… Continue reading A New Beginning
Look it’s hidden shrouded in bliss Cold wintry night fog rising quick On tree’s, your eyes focus branches beware Listen intently, listen to hear The damp ice weather you feel in your chest Try not to breathe in try not to rest You’re out on a journey, one that’s so long A journey with danger… Continue reading The Mystery
It’s bad enough the loss Without you having to deal With it. Every time you go upstairs You’re losing a little bit more of us...…... Having experienced losing three pregnancies in 13 months the above describes the fear that grips the man when you are well aware of what is happening but the words between… Continue reading Losing Us
I look forward to unravelling you understand your story What makes you tick see beyond your beautiful face In return see something in me Find a reason to meet me again that I may be just worth a shot something you wouldn’t regret I will play the wheel or take a hand of cards putting… Continue reading Just A Coffee
The flood overtakes your thoughts Taken by surprise I stepped outside of myself I was looking down My outer shell was speaking My inner self was thinking My mind is unattached I’m on overdrive A part is what I play An actor is what I am Why do I do this Here for all to… Continue reading Flood
Where did you sleep last night? By Mark R Lyth When I was a child, an awfully long time ago We would play in the street together did you know I was only seven when I met her, skipping down the street ‘would you like to play with me’ her I would entreat We moved… Continue reading Where Did You Sleep Last Night
Once the web of manipulation is exposed The life you had was just a facade That kept you stuck and feeling suffocated For years. It can take years to free yourself Mentally from their grasp. Spiritual Pain can often never heal Photo by Taylor Lyth
It has been three weeks now since I’ve seen the news. It has taken great discipline to avoid it. I have disabled all social media accounts, unsubscribed from various media apps, avoided the T.V. and newspapers. When I’m in a supermarket I sort of dance blindly past the newspapers and magazines. The biggest challenge of… Continue reading No News
The whisper becomes louder the words become clear listening closer what do you hear music is playing out in the rain nobody went out nobody came. In on your own alone in your mind what do you look for what did you find thoughts became made words you now form put them together who will… Continue reading Closing My Mind
It is hard to find a niche to trundle happily along kicking stones and clutching grass. This one life for periods half lived. In the wrong rooms Wrong houses, in the wrong jobs a lack of determination blame everyone else for my own deficiencies. I think perhaps I need to be assertive pick a goal… Continue reading Out In The Field
How do you formulate a response? What is the message I have to learn? My heart hasn’t recognised the change yet, my already paranoid mind has shut down. I laugh and don’t cry. Look normal and happy but they can’t see or hear inside me It's just as well, silence is deafening and my pain,… Continue reading A Miscarriage of Justice
Perhaps there is a reason for my reticence perhaps I can’t begin to grasp it at all. But I will always seek to find answers I will always try and stay on the ball. This life of oh so much more insignificance has possibility to bloom. Into something good and spiritual a journey with no… Continue reading A Work in Progress
I stand so many floors up I don’t know exactly how high Enough to end me If I fall The window behind me is open With every fibre I try not to Acknowledge the gusting wind that calls You’re not well are you? I know its hard not to be really I was just managing… Continue reading The Ledge
You will never find yourself if you don't look
If only the echoes in my mind And ghost of lives past Could leave me just for a day The dark skies no longer cast The shadows, make me look rather Intimidated as I grope about In my unbearable time here Nothing is easy I could fucking shout About wasting my life and time On… Continue reading Again
The gulf between having to live And wanting to live Is as big as it sounds
I must have sinned Missed something Didn’t read it all became inadequate not trusted unworthy ignored unwarranted declined Unfavoured what did I take, for granted not thankful become hopeless not funny not rich I’m as far from you now as I was in my ignorance
Mark Lyth 