The Parapet

                           

I sense the familiar sensations and feelings pulling at me,

back to a place I thought I’d left behind.

I thought I was clear but I am again to be challenged.

If I could be spared the box ticking I may just make something of myself.

I find it puzzling the direction I’m asked to follow.

More blind alleys’ only to find I’m in a maze

No one source of advice, no one source of answer.

Like a pinball machine I’m off in different directions.

None of which are my own.  What is the point of any of it?

The hard work- if raising your head above the parapet,

Means you only get shot down.  Not better to just stay down?

The process is frustrating and unwanted, unneeded pressure,

which I can’t cope with, nor the rejection, the continuous no!

I had chiselled out for myself a period of calm, it is this I seek again.

When you feel like you are doing better than you are, when in fact it is clear you weren’t ready to seek answers to the questions you were asking.

I turned to writing for therapy after a long period of ill-health. I have just returned to work. I am a researcher, writer, and Mental Health Advocate.

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